


How Oikawa's Heart Got Stolen On Christmas

by MyOwnCharacterInEverything



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Jealous Oikawa Tooru, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 00:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13224606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyOwnCharacterInEverything/pseuds/MyOwnCharacterInEverything
Summary: Every girl down in Seijoh liked Christmas a lotBut Tooru, to the surprise of many, did not!Tooru hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.Matsukawa said that his shoes were too tight.Hanamaki said his head wasn't screwed on right.But I think that the most likely reason of allWas that mistletoe hung in every door and hall.(Or, alternatively, Seijoh holidays shenanigans based on Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas)





	How Oikawa's Heart Got Stolen On Christmas

Every girl down in Seijoh liked Christmas a lot

But Tooru, to the surprise of many, did not!

 

Tooru hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

 

Matsukawa said that his shoes were too tight.

Hanamaki said his head wasn't screwed on right.

 

But I think that the most likely reason of all

Was that mistletoe hung in every door and hall.

 

Still, whatever the reason, as he watched them all whirl,

He had always stood there, just hating those girls,

 

Staring down from the gym with a sour, bitchy frown

At lights on the windows and ribbons all ‘round,

 

For he knew in Seijoh, as he gritted his teeth,

Girls bustled around hanging evergreen wreaths.

 

"And they're hanging their stockings," he snarled with a sneer.

"I can feel it! It’s Christmas! It's practically here!"

 

Then he growled, with setter fingers nervously drumming,

"I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

 

For, tomorrow, I know all those girls drag us boys

Under the mistletoe and treat us like toys!

 

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!

There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

 

And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round full of feels.

They'll dance with us boys, tripping up on their heels.

 

And then they'll do something I hate most of all!

Every Girl down in Seijoh, the tall and the small,

 

They'll stand close to us boys, with Christmas bells ringing.

Grab us by the hand and then they’ll start singing!

And they'll sing! And they'll sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!"

 

And the more Tooru thought of this GirlChristmasSing,

The more Tooru thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

 

Why, for all my three years I've put up with it now!

I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?"

 

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

Tooru got a wonderful, _awful_ idea!

 

"I know just what to do!" Tooru laughed in his throat.

"I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat."

 

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a cute little trick!

With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!

 

All I need is a reindeer." Tooru looked around.

But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

 

Did that stop Tooru? Hah! Tooru simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

 

So he took poor Kyoutani and took some black thread.

And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

 

Then he loaded some sacks and some old empty bags

On a ramshackle sleigh for Kyoutani to drag.

 

Then Tooru said "Giddyap!" and the sleigh started down

Toward the halls where Iwa-chan’s gifts lay around.

 

All their windows were dark. No one knew he was there.

All the Girls were all dreaming sweet dreams without care

When he came to the first little wrapped paper square.

 

"That pile is Iwa-chan’s," old Bitchy Claus hissed,

As he crept to the door, empty bags in his fist.

 

Then he slipped through the door, which caught a coat stitch.

But if those Girls could fit through, then so could this Bitch.

 

He got stuck only once, for a minute or two.

Then he stuck his head out the not-fireplace flue

Where the little cute stockings hung all in a row.

"These stockings," he bitched, "are the first things to go!"

 

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

 

Pocky, confession notes, cute craft things, sweet gums!

He even took the baked goods: down to the last crumb!

 

And he stuffed them in bags. Then Tooru, very nimbly,

Gave all the bags, one by one, to Kyoutani.

 

Then he gave all the food to Kyoutani with glee.

"Now," grinned Tooru, "no confessions for the team!"

 

Tooru heard a sound usually paired with a shove,

He felt his heart flutter like the wings of a dove

 

He stamped down his feelings and then whirled around

Iwaizumi Hajime, wearing a frown.

 

He stared at Tooru and said, "Idiot, why,

Why are you taking the Christmas gifts? Why?"

 

But, you know, Bitchy Claus was so smart and so slick,

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

 

"Oh! Um, Iwa-chan!" the fake Santy Claus cried,

"It’s not fair that you get this many gifts on your side.

 

So I'm taking some to my pile, Iwa-chan, dear.

I could put them there, or put them back over here."

 

His fib fooled no one, but Iwa-chan shook his head,

He just turned around, and he went home to bed.

 

And while Iwa-chan went home to cuddle his pup,

Tooru crept to Kyoutani and packed the gifts up!

 

Then he went out the door himself, the old liar.

The last thing he took was the log for romantic fire.

On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.

 

And the one speck of food that he left in the place

Was too small for the attention of an ace.

 

It was quarter of dawn. All the Girls still a-bed,

All the world still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled,

 

Packed it up with their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings,

Their fluff and their flowers, their boxes and packings!

 

Hours before people ate breakfast crumpets,

Tooru pulled his pile to the dumpster to dump it!

 

"Oh, woe to Seijoh!" he was bitchily humming.

"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

 

They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!

Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

Then the Girls down in Seijoh will all cry boo-hoo!

 

That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "that I simply must hear!"

He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

 

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low, then it started to grow.

 

But this sound wasn't sad!

Why, this sound was a familiar mad!

 

Tooru saw a figure, neither tall nor small,

Would he be mad without any presents at all?

 

The figure (Iwa-chan) wasn’t mad! He just came!

Somehow, Iwa-chan was acting just the same!

 

And Tooru, with his feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling. "How could it be so?”

 

I took all the ribbons! I took all the tags!

I took all the packages, boxes, and bags!"

 

He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore.

Then Tooru thought of something he hadn't before.

 

“Maybe what he wants doesn't come from a store.

What if he wants something a little bit more?”

 

And what happened then? Well, in Seijoh they say

That the Bitch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

 

A reason for Tooru to love Christmas came through,

And the Bitch felt the love of ten Bitches, plus two!

 

And now that his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

He whizzed toward Iwa through the bright morning light

 

A smile to his soul, he dragged Iwa for crumpets

Cheerily waving "Ya-ho!" loud as a trumpet.

 

Then they returned to Seijoh to look at the toys.

They looked at the happy Seijoh girls and boys.

 

They looked at the giftings of letters and puzzles,

They looked at newly confessed couple fuzzles.

 

Then Iwa-chan invited all the team for a feast!

And Tooru himself felt no green ugly beast!

* * *

_Welcome Christmas. Bring your cheer,_

_Cheer to everyone, far and near._

_Christmas Day is in our grasp_

_So long as we have hands to grasp._

_Christmas Day will always be_

_Just as long as we have we._

_Welcome Christmas while we stand_

_Heart to heart and hand in hand._

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this last year on [my writing blog](http://my-own-character-in-everything.tumblr.com/post/155650394556/how-oikawas-heart-got-stolen-on-christmas) and it didn't get a lot of attention. So I thought I'd repost it.
> 
> It's obviously based on the American classic "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," but it was also inspired by the fact that Christmas Eve is like Valentine's Day in Japan.
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday, and I hope everyone makes it through the New Year. And if you're ever feeling down, just remember: you're not alone, and we're all in this together.


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